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Thursday November 30 2017 - Holding it in	Anecdotes
I remember wrestling a guy a couple of years back that was in his late fifties, pretty good shape for his age. He trained himself just the right amount to stay in good health, not too much exercise, nor too little. Before our meeting, he admitted to me that he was anxious and that he had not wrestled for a very long while. Like many men from his generation, wrestling and being gay were taboo subjects not to be discussed. He held himself back for three decades. I told him that everything would be fine and that we would take it slowly and lightly. He indeed was very tense when he met me. I've decided that we need to talk first, make sure he is comfortable. He told me his life story and I shared mine. To try to ease the tension, I spoke about my experiences a decade ago: I told him I thought I was the only one in the world who liked bearhugs and that I discovered the thousand others that are like me. After about an hour of calming him down, I asked him if he was ready to wrestle and he nodded a timid "yes". I applied on him a couple of holds... you know, the basics: bearhugs, full nelsons, camels, boston crabs. I taught him how to apply them and asked him what wrestling holds he liked. Then midway through our session, he bursted into tears. I obviously panicked and I asked him if he wanted me to stop. Why was he crying? Maybe I injured him or maybe I was hurting him in an emotional way? He said it was nothing and that I should keep on applying holds on him. I then realized that his tears were both from sadness and from joy. He held this wrestling flame in him or kept it at bay during all this time, because he was afraid that people would find it strange. Perhaps worst, he was worried of being rejected by society. He was happy that he could finally break his shell and manifest his desire to wrestle after all these years. He realized all that he had missed and that he could have explored his passion much earlier. For many, being able to break that barrier requires a tremendous amount of effort. We live by the standards of society and we are pressured to maintain this image that everybody wants us to be. Even with the many changes that have occurred in the last 10 or 20 years, many men still don't find the courage to try and pursue their passions or their dreams. This is easier in big cities, but still very tough in rural areas. My mom still wants me to be a doctor, a priest or a lawyer. She still wants me to get married and have a dozen kids. With time, she did understand that none of that would happen because I chose to follow my own path, not the one that she would have wanted me to be. However, I do admire the many people that follow and abide by the rules of their families because of the need to preserve honor, trust and pride. I do understand that. It may seem like a easy choice for some, but for others, it's what would tear their life apart and they would not want to hurt or disappoint their loves ones. At some point in their lifetime, they may finally be comfortable with the idea or they may become finally ready to break out. I was lucky for doing this early, but it's not uncommon for me to talk to wrestlers who have always wanted to wrestle since they were young, but could only do it until recently. Another example of this phenomenon is this memory I recorded from 2013. Incidentally, I remember reading in "Memoirs of a Hotel Wrestler" that the author used wrestling as a transition towards his gay married life. Wrestling can be used as a bridge into the acceptance of one's self.
Blog ID 166

Date created:	2017-11-30
Date modified:	20:33:31.05157
Revision number:	9
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